Grotto Beats

a micro-collection of experimental ‘found poetry’ from the materials of Jeremy Elbertson (Jerma985)

compiled and slightly altered by

Blaine Arcade

We’re the Rats

Rats,
we’re rats;
we’re the rats-

We prey at night,
we stalk at night,
we’re   the   rats!

I’m the giant rat
that makes all   of   the   rules;
let’s see what kind of trouble we
can get ourselves into…

Acquisition

We found the company.
-You found the company?
You can buy it.
-How much is it worth?

Three hundred fifty
thousand
For the whole IP,
all of it.

-That’s all the assets?

Everything.

-Buy it.
-Buy it.
-Buy it right now.

Muffled

-You’ve got access to my checking account,
get it.
Muffled
-This is cool; I’ll own it.
-Let’s do this the right way.

-Did you buy it?
Muffled
-It was that easy.

Cotton, Son

What kind of carnival exists
without of course
some delicious, nutritious,
potentially illness
causing,
bacteria infested
cotton candy?

Does anybody want any cotton candy?
Son, you over there; come on over here.
I have been trained in the art of making cotton
candy.
Everything is good to go;
how big do you want it son?
Does Mom want one too?

I have actually been trained in this;
let’s get a good nice big cotton candy surprise for you.
I read the instructions very very quickly.

Here you go son, this one’s for you.
I’m going to give you a double there son.
Just like Mom used to make.

-I taste soap.

The Main Event

This is the main event.
This is what I did this for.

We’ve got a new robot in play.
This is the pitching machine robot-
It is loaded.
It is dangerous.

Do not, under any circumstances,
I’m gonna make this very clear,
do not fire at me.
That’s no okay. Do not. Not okay.

Do not fire at anything besides the red circle
over there                            on the right side

You have my understanding?
Good, great.
Can’t wait
for you to break
that rule in about fifteen seconds.

Good luck, ‘cuz I don’t think you got what it takes
you bastards.

Granite Reapelson

Here for Ted
Hello Ted
Ted
It’s time for you to come home Ted
No Ted
Not that kind of home, it’s time for the long farewell Ted
Shh Shh Shh—No more tears, only dreams now Ted
Come on now, here we go, there you are, oh yes, you’re not dead, they all say that Ted

It’s No Fun Living Here

A nice house…

But
What
Is this neighborhood?
Bears—
Gorillas—
People that are on drugs just attacking you;
Where there’s church groups
That just come into your house
That don’t even knock;
The police just— sit on your couch
And drink sodas and stuff
People drink beer
Out
Of
My
Fridge!

What a mess.

5 Golden Rings

It’s time to get in the spirit;
It’s time to get into the mood,
Merry Christmas
And welcome the Christmas Tree.
The Christmas Tree making his Rumble debut;
He falls into the RING!

You may have just been able to see his dick;
I truly hope not.
I’m not sure why he’s not wearing pants
But he’s in the RING!

Nonetheless the Christmas Tree,
He’s gonna do Deck the Halls!
That’s Deck the Halls!
The devastating move,
The first move he does is his finisher.
That’s impressive from the Christmas Tree
As he takes off one of his presents,
Throws the present,
still shaken up from that devastating Deck the Halls!
The Christmas Tree finally found a weakness!
Big left hand from the Christmas Tree.
Not sure who’s gonna make a move here, they both look reluctant…
A low blow, currently in the RING!

It’s causing some kind of problem in the RING!

Nobody in the RING seems to know what to do with whatever this thing is.
The Christmas Tree now, everyone’s running away from it… Oh!
Christmas Tree has been eliminated!
CUT DOWN!