Confabulo: Throw a Monkey Wrench (part one)

One man has reformulated the primordial soup, opening countless possibilities as he keeps the secret recipe to himself.  It animates his robots, who swarm into industry and build lives of their own.  It enlightens the animals, who are granted citizenship!  It turns humans into indestructible floating heads pondering the universe.

The tributaries of revolutionizing soup converge in Iron Baltimore, city of futures bright and dim, where lives the world’s only hyperdiamond manufacturer, the artist known as Al Grand whose own invention, when loaded into a popgun, can destroy a robot’s crystal brain in a single blow.  But he doesn’t sell, and he won’t tell.  Everyone’s got it out for him, and one of them has broken in and left a slimy gift in his apartment…

Throw a Monkey Wrench is the first novel in a Wizard-of-Ozian dieselpunk series of five!

(estimated reading time: 1 hour, 12 minutes)

Confabulo

Throw a Monkey Wrench

by

Blaine Arcade

Dress Up with Nowhere to Go

Figures so unlike their lazy scarecrow cousins were strewn across the half-planted fields. Rusty and plain, riveted at left and right, they were bent and frozen mid-labors with hoes, spades, rakes, and watering cans. Round eyes of ribbed ochre glass were dark as the night, poised to borrow the day.

The first rays of morning crested a distant hill, shot into their midst and struck one of the figures on the chest. A stream resumed, as the watering can they held tilted imperceptibly. More light fired across the land, found purchase in their pitted metal and nesting rust. A hoe struck. A rake dragged.

As seeds dropped into divots squeaking steps made more mere feet away. The metal workers came to life, no need for breakfast or stretches. Not a single dream had broken the sequence of their tasks, as their minds could not take them anywhere without their permission or his.

For them it was as if the night had never occurred, as if stillness never occurred. Their entire existence was active experience, perpetual transportation of body, thought, and emotion, caught in currents that required adaptation. When the currents slowed so did they, and when the currents sped they made history much faster than humans were used to.

The morning didn’t stop there; it kept on out of the farmlands where things only grew yea high and on to the city where they grew until the tallest one toppled. Dawn’s artillery on those walls of glass, concrete, brick, iron, and brass was weaker than breath, for this was Iron Baltimore. Its industry was moved by figures well-adapted, ever-present. One fed the other. The leaking weaknesses of previous perpetual motion machines were patched by the constant influx of human demand, of their mean-spirited and flirtatious pushing, and of their emanating incandescent body heat, like blankets tossed out of windows drifting to the street. Iron Baltimore was swaddled with energy. Continue reading

Puffuddle & Malvage

Puffuddle & Malvage

Designation: the CANDLE BOAT & GHOST SHIP cillimorphs

Group: TECHNO

Native Biomes: PLANET SPLISHY & PLANET SCORCHER

Size: SMALL & LARGE

Interesting Facts: After collecting cast off waxes and fats from other morphs, Puffuddle ignites a spirit flame to power its internal steam engine. The adult adds sail functionality enhanced by its own emanations.

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Canstant & Chromemento

Canstant & Chromemento

Designation: the ANT COLONY METAL CAST cillimorphs

Group: COLONIAL

Native Biomes: PLANET WOODZY & PLANET URBANIAK

Size: SMALL & MEDIUM

Interesting Facts: They forge their own bodies with molten metal in subterranean burrows, using the burrows themselves as molds. Chromemento may look like a bucket is perpetually pouring on its head, but it’s actually an elaborate horn… but it’s still super hot, capable of delivering third degree burns. So don’t touch it unless you want to third degree die.

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Chicklid & Cichliddies

Chicklid & Cichliddies

Designation: the CICHLID & MOUTH BROODING cillimorphs

Group: FISHY

Native Biomes: PLANET YOUTOPE

Size: SMALL

Interesting Facts: A Cichliddies takes care of its juveniles for a long time, keeping them all in a mouth pouch so it doesn’t lose them. Males and females both do this, but the males are more smug about it for some reason.

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Ponyex & Neighborough

Ponyex & Neighborough

Designation: the FOOD DELIVERY & HORSE-DRAWN cillimorphs

Group: COLONIAL

Native Biomes: PLANET URBANIAK

Size: SMALL & MEDIUM

Interesting Facts: Ponyex loves delivering food, keeping it cold or hot in its insulated storage box. Just give it a tip in the form of one bite from the delivery. Neighborough is practically a freight truck, a boon to businesses that don’t mind occasional shipments getting digested as soon as they’re put in the back.

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Teddygrade & Bardyhardy

Teddygrade & Bardyhardy

Designation: the TARDIGRADE cillimorphs

Group: SPINELESS

Native Biomes: PLANET SPLISHY & OUTER SPACE

Size: SMALL & MEDIUM

Interesting Facts: Ten times tougher than your average cillimorph, Teddygrade and Bardyhardy can withstand truly astonishing degrees of heat, cold, pressure, vacuum, acidity, salinity, toxicity, silliness, and social awkwardness. They could probably live in space even without their silliness fields.

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Walkyhawky & Punctarant

Walkyhawky & Punctarant

Designation: the WING WALKER & TARANTULA HAWK cillimorphs

Group: SEGMENTED

Native Biomes: PLANET FALLAAH

Size: SMALL & MEDIUM

Interesting Facts: Walkyhawky uses its versatile silk to make scarfs, balance poles, and tight ropes. Its preferred balancing act is on the wings of other cillimorphs as it hitches rides. An adult Punctarant is the most tolerant of this, but they won’t accommodate the young during their accelerated dive-bombs.

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Thumpi & Doodolotl

Thumpi & Doodolotl

Designation: the FINGER PAINT cillimorphs

Group: REPTOPHIBIAN

Native Biomes: PLANET YOUTOPE

Size: SMALL

Interesting Facts: Their mucus comes in a variety of hues, and they enjoy nothing more than painting things the completely wrong color. These are possibly the worst cillimorphs to wear white clothing around, unless you want them to add the style, as some people do.

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Gluvet & Velvetwom

Gluvet & Velvetwom

Designation: the VELVETEEN WORM cillimorphs

Group: SPINELESS

Native Biomes: PLANET BOLDERO & CYBERSPACE

Size: SMALL & MEDIUM

Interesting Facts: Gluvet and Velvetwom produce a sticky glue that they use to build a cloak of stray fibers and online children’s book nostalgia. This bunny-like cloak protects them from harsh sunlight and the judgmental looks of people who don’t like writhing spiky worms covered in glue for some reason.

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Yggdrealm & Yggdraheim

Yggdrealm & Yggdraheim

Designation: the BONSAI, ARK, & WORLD TREE cillimorphs

Group: GROWER

Native Biomes: PLANET BOLDERO & OUTER SPACE

Size: SMALL & LARGE

Interesting Facts: They gather silt and cosmic dust to make miniature planets. They never let researchers close enough to see if their rock collection is capable of sustaining life. Maybe they’re embarrassed about it, but which way?

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