I Thought it was the Cat (horror flash fiction)

I Thought it was the Cat

by

Blaine Arcade

Demoted for a raise. Strange I know, but it’s the only way to put it. They wanted me out of the building after the ‘softball incident’. I won’t go into detail about it other than to say they’re all sore losers.

It was mutual. I get an extra five K a year and I use it to pay the price of being near all our distribution centers on the East coast. Being equidistant from three truck stops in the middle of nowhere puts you, you guessed it, in the forgotten rusty storage shed of nowhere’s overgrown backyard.

No partner. Had one, but they also didn’t care for my gloating after the softball incident. So when I got there, town called Cracklebranch, my roommates were a pair of suitcases. Got a tiny house on the cheap. Couldn’t hear anything at night. No crickets. No birds in the morning either. Continue reading

The Captain Rob Series

This is just a quick post to talk about my newly completed epic-comedic high fantasy book series: Captain Rob.  It’s been a long time and a lot of work, but I’m happy with how it turned out.

The story follows a crew of pirates in their magical world that just so happens to be… a gigantic public restroom.  If you would like you can join the sink swashbucklers in their fight against monsters and bathroom puns here, and free of charge.  Here are some links to each book, starting with the first.

Captain Rob Fights

Captain Rob Sinks

Captain Rob Robs

Captain Rob Deals

Give them a shot if you’re bored and like fiction that’s pretty out there.

Captain Rob Deals (Finale)

(back to part one)

The Deal

The entrance to Peako Dagyvr’s workshop, deep in the stony crevasse of Crosstahl, was sealed off in a most unusual manner. The original door was gone, its frame filled by uneven stones that were held together by a bright, almost luminous, blue adhesive. This barrier had a weak spot, an eye drifting in the adhering slime, but it kept on the interior side. That meant it had to watch everything happening within, occasionally dodging a dagger as it was tossed across the chamber. Continue reading

Captain Rob Deals (Part Six)

(back to part one)

Age of Tragedy

The Captain still expected to thwart more would-be assassins, but his next trip to Platone was peaceful. If only the same could be said for the contents of that trip. He embraced Vyra again, and they walked along a new edge as the ekapads came to crackling life. A new ringing tone played, its shattering volume nothing compared to the godly words that used Vyra’s throat as vessel. The Age of Wonder was lost to time, most of its revelations new to Rob, but the time that followed, the Age of Tragedy, contained some tales that were all too familiar. Continue reading

Captain Rob Deals (Part Five)

(back to part one)

Age of Wonder

A concert of Platone lit up the night sky in shocking red and swollen purple. Akers stampeded across its face in lightning arcs like blazing stars fired from bows. The din and its associated powers were enough to kill a lightfolk in three different ways, but Vyra was protected by the divine powers of Hesprid, and her prosite stowaway by the same from Qorcneas. There was a bubble around them that the lightning broke up against, sizzling across its surface like fuzzy seeds tumbling down a rock face. Continue reading

Captain Rob Deals (Part Three)

(back to part one)

He’s Very Depressed Regarding his Death

It be no use; he won’t come out,” Bonswario told Teal. He was told to guard the door, but slumped in his duty thanks to Rob only perceiving his family and friends as threats. They were aboard the Chokechain, and while the new recruits kept the ship sailing most of his old crew were bunched up in the rooms and corridors outside the Captain’s quarters. Teal had walked the path from her ship immediately upon hearing the news that he had lost his flesh in battle and been reborn as gravefolk. Continue reading