M-A-C (18): ‘Haw Haw Hawtty’

Category: whatsit

Collection Date: (REDACTED), 1997

Collection Location: (REDACTED), Florida

Collection Report: A fire at a convenience store/ fast food duo mega-rest stop claimed an unusually high number of lives, seasoned responding firefighters included. One of those responders was (REDACTED), cousin of senior rank collector (REDACTED), prompting unofficial investigation that became official upon discovery of the MAC in the blackened ruins.

M-A-C (18) is a novelty thermometer bent at a forty-five degree angle, molded into the plastic shell of a bikini-clad woman doubled over in laughter, dripping ambiguous tears/sweat.

Its increments of ten degrees are labeled with various puns and jokes including ‘bare be cold in them thar chills’ (thirty degrees), ‘scald-faced fry’ (eighty degrees), and ‘why did the fried chicken cross the road?’ (ninety degrees). The shell has been darkened and partly melted by the fire, transforming the woman into a horrifying creature and obscuring the joke at the 100 degree mark, though its effect remains.

Whenever the temperature comes to match one of the increments, all humans within its radius will laugh, regardless of line of sight or awareness of the thermometer. This effect is sustained if the temperature remains stable there. If it goes on long enough a person may asphyxiate to death, which is believed to be the cause of death of all those caught in the fire, none of them showing significant signs of smoke inhalation. The flames’ temperatures likely prolonged and intensified the MAC’s effect.

Current Collector: Transitory Mel (He/Him), senior rank

Notes from Collector: “Stops 15% of intruders in the summertime. Never had a stolen MAC and I never will.”

Current Status: active

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