Captain Rob Deals (Part One)

January 9, 2020January 10, 2020 ~ Blaine Arcade ~ 7 Comments

Author’s Note: this is the fourth and final volume in a comedic high fantasy series set in the lowest of all settings: a gigantic public restroom. If you’re interested I recommend starting with those that come first: Captain Rob Fights, Captain Rob Sinks, and Captain Rob Robs.

Captain Rob Deals

Blaine Arcade (in a sense)

The Fourth and Final Bathroom Break

And it was the one that broke me. Hello again. My name is Blaine Arcade; it’s a pen name of course, to protect me from people who might be disgusted and disturbed by the things I’ve done in bathrooms around the world. Three prior times I have reported my experiences and the stories that came with, so some of this information will be old to you. Continue reading →

Mary Annette’s Big and Beautiful Dog and Pony Show (short story)

January 3, 2020January 3, 2020 ~ Blaine Arcade ~ Leave a comment

Author’s Note: With this story I was going for a ‘Dolly Parton meets Phantom of the Paradise’ vibe, so hopefully that comes across.

Mary Annette’s

BIG

and

BEAUTIFUL

Dog and Pony Show

Blaine Arcade

Voice 1: Alright Miss, I think we’re ready for a trial run. Can I take you through it one more time?

Voice 2: Sure thing Sugar. Continue reading →

The Challenging Handful (finale)

November 8, 2019 ~ Blaine Arcade ~ 1 Comment

back to part one

handfultitle

Kling-kling-king-kling! The bell from the church’s tower. The starting pistol. The referee pointed at Yahoo first, holding up a clock on a chain with a large face and crimson hands so they could see the passage of their turn’s time. Continue reading →

The Challenging Handful (Part Three)

November 7, 2019November 8, 2019 ~ Blaine Arcade ~ 2 Comments

back to part one

handfultitle

There was little time to prepare, so Snaps worked feverishly to replace his missing arm. Yahoo watched, quietly to his credit, as the commander rolled out fresh dough on a lap desk, kneaded in the appropriate ingredients, pressed it into the mold, and locked the mold into the vertical smokeless oven mounted on the wall. Continue reading →

The Challenging Handful (Part Two)

November 5, 2019November 7, 2019 ~ Blaine Arcade ~ 2 Comments

back to part one

handfultitle

The passage of the next several days revealed both the strengths and weaknesses of their mode of travel. Snaps almost immediately noticed the hidden gyroscopes that kept their rooms upright even when the bag was turned upside down. The adjustment could be felt as a slight loss of weight in one’s bottom and heard as a rattle. Continue reading →

The Challenging Handful (Part One)

November 4, 2019November 5, 2019 ~ Blaine Arcade ~ 3 Comments

Author’s Note: This novella has a relatively simple concept. It’s somewhat similar to Alan Moore’s League of Extraordinary Gentlemen… but tiny. Be ready for Lilliputians, fairies, gingerbread soldiers, and a host of other classical small things as they band together to protect their home from the dawn of a whole new type of war.

handfultitle

The midnight oil had burned, so light poured into his windows and prevented sleep. His peanut brittle curtains were not up to the task of keeping it out, only managing to dye it amber. Still he guessed it was morning, as he heard the bonsai dryads begin to go about their work, pruning and watering the thousand miniature trees that turned Minimil into a land. Continue reading →

Snakewaist: Wild Rideshare (Part Two)

November 2, 2019 ~ Blaine Arcade ~ Leave a comment

back to part one

Crash into a Tree

“Yeah can I get two of the…” The woman’s voice stalled as she scanned the menu even though she’d already been in line for ten minutes. Chef Ricky was grinding his teeth and sweating a puddle into his sneakers. He couldn’t, on his life, recall why he thought applying to run the Groadster for a week was a good idea. Every item sold was at a loss, and all the cameras that were supposed to follow him were gone after the first two days. “…churros.” Continue reading →