Challenging Cock (part one)

In the barn-city of Minimil, small creatures from all across the literary canon live as one people, from Lilliputians and Shakespearean fairies to myrmidons, homunculi, and Wonderlanders.  Their lives are tenuous, valuable as they are as pieces in the proxy game of Little Wars, where conscripting countries can use them to spill thimbles of blood rather than buckets.

Worse still, someone has petrified their goddess, Hestia, and it falls to her nephew Vesperos, the god of love reduced to a mere bumblebee, to find out how and why.  He’s joined by a ragtag group of woodland critters who have heard the wind in the willows, and wish to help him rescue the reputation of their good friend Mrs. Toad, who is somehow caught up in the hatching of a cock’s grand scheme.

This is the beginning of The Challenge Obscene, the second novella trilogy of the Challenging universe.  It’s best to start with the first, which can be found here: The Challenging Handful, The Left Challenging Handful, and Challenging Applause.

(estimated reading time: 24 minutes)

(estimated reading time for entire novella: 3 hours, 11 minutes)

The Challenge Obscene

Challenging Cock

by

Blaine Arcade

Tease the Cock

Only one creature found themselves caught out in the rain, but it should have been zero, scheduled and announced thoroughly as the precipitation was, the notice posted all over the city and found in the weather & events section of the Minimil Minutes: the only newspaper circulating in the entire barn.

Just under an advertisement for the concert of Fadfid Paganinny, the world’s smallest violinist, itself just under, and in fact cutting off, a complaint letter to the editor, the announcement was printed thusly:

On Monday the 18th of October 1926, on the hour of seven until one in the morning, there will be rejuvenating rainfall over the neighborhoods of Banker’s Dozen, Hopalong, and Tin Junction, graciously provided by the cloud, water, and wind nymphs of Bonsai Park. The cost of enjoying the rain and its spiritual benefits is nothing, afforded to us once again by our lady and master Hestia of the hearth-throne. Continue reading

Tadpod & Toaderation

Tadpod & Toaderation

Designation: the TADPOLE FIGHTER & SOLAR SAIL SURINAM TOAD cillimorphs

Group: REPTOPHIBIAN

Native Biomes: OUTER SPACE

Size: MEDIUM & LARGE

Interesting Facts: Space cillimorphs can swim in it even though it’s just a vacuum, thanks to their silliness. Tadpod uses its bubble blasters to clear out any threats to its parent Toaderation before settling into a cell on its back to sleep. Toaderation is the largest of all cillimorphs, so big its children can use its back as a hotel. Solar sail flippers turn starlight into a free continental breakfast.

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Guzzjar & Swauldron

Guzzjar & Swauldron

Designation: the NIGHTJAR cillimorphs

Group: BIRDISH

Native Biomes: PLANET WOODZY

Size: SMALL

Interesting Facts: Guzzjar is constantly gargling all the guzz it generates. What is guzz? I don’t have enough of an iron stomach to describe it in detail. You wouldn’t want it on a sandwich, I’ll tell you that. Swauldron has way more guzz, and it sloshes and spills as it flies.

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Flicflam & Wheeleo

Flicflam & Wheeleo

Designation: the FLICFLAC SPIDER & GOLDEN WHEEL SPIDER cillimorphs

Group: SEGMENTED

Native Biomes: PLANET SCORCHER

Size: SMALL

Interesting Facts: Flicflam flips itself across hot sand dunes like a coin, except it always lands on heads. This helps keep its feet cool. The darker side tends to be upright at night. Wheeleo rolls around in a wheel of fire, disguising its spiderish body as a ferocious lion face, hoping we’re all such dumdums we won’t know there isn’t a lion body anywhere in the vicinity.

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Corbor & Frozempole

Corbor & Frozempole

Designation: the ICE CORE & TOTEM POLE cillimorphs

Group: COLONIAL

Native Biomes: PLANET BRRR

Size: SMALL & MEDIUM

Interesting Facts: Corbor delves deep into ice shelves to see what it can find, mostly horrors that lead to its lower faces becoming angrier and more cynical. The top ones are more fun to hang with. Once it matures into Frozempole the sections gain some independence, but they always come back together when they’re done screwing around.

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Germalite & Bloomcast

Germalite & Bloomcast

Designation: the SPACE SEED & SATELLITE DISH cillimorphs

Group: GROWER

Native Biomes: OUTER SPACE & PLANET WOODZY

Size: SMALL & MEDIUM

Interesting Facts: Germalite hangs out in space, turning solar radiation into rocket fuel and food for the plasma sprouts it grows on its ring. When it’s ready to mature it descends to the wooded planet and gains a much more couch potato-y form. Bloomcast uses its flower to send messages deep into space, telling Germalites about good places to bum around for the rest of their lives.

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Giftysit & Rulover

Giftysit & Rulover

Designation: the GIF TZU & WRAPPING PAPER cillimorphs

Group: MAMMALISH

Native Biomes: PLANET URBANIAC

Size: SMALL

Interesting Facts: An ornamental breed that loves the suburbs, Giftysit sometimes appears in piles of presents during the holidays, and there’s no way of knowing if people actually got you one, because they always take the credit anyway. Rulover enjoys rolling around in shredded paper, and sometimes its coat will change to match. Always brush a Rulover; you never know how long a shred of the holidays has been stuck under their topcoat.

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Snite & Sgnarly

Snite & Sgnarly

Designation: SNOTTITE cillimorphs

Group: COLONIAL

Native Biomes: PLANET BOLDERO

Size: SMALL & MEDIUM

Interesting Facts: Remember I said some cillimorphs were slimy and gooey? Yeah, this is them (also others). These nasty boogers live in caves, slurping around on the ceiling and hanging down way too brazenly. Snite focuses its vision through the clearest gemstones it can find, and searches out the best stalactite tips to make the best smile it can. Sgnarly stops caring about smiling, because it’s got buff crystal arms, and you don’t need a smile when you’re ROCK HARD.

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Snaked & Lurided

Snaked & Lurided

Designation: SNAKEHEAD cillimorphs

Group: FISHY

Native Biomes: PLANET WOODZY & PLANET SPLISHY

Size: SMALL & MEDIUM

Interesting Facts: Snaked’s big eye is actually a false spot for intimidation; the real eye is far forward on the snout. These freshwater cillimorphs live in swampy lakes and rivers, often bullying their way into the best feeding spots and keeping others out.

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