Low-Fat Cream Filling
The party that hoped to crack the sugar on top with a most daring robbery did not have an easy time in the first step of their plan. It was best for them to move between levels as quietly as possible, but that became difficult when the massive chamber that acted as the main port of travel between the military wafer and the cream filling was in such chaos. Continue reading
Mitts on the Glass
There were two metal blocks on Second Wall, even though only one was named such. The true Metal Block had a much darker color and was home to the ever-growing sheet of bropato Alast had crawled across in his adolescence. The other was across the three sinks, close to the Bottomless Rot and First Door. Continue reading
(Author’s Note: This is the third in a four volume high fantasy series set in the lowest of places: a gigantic public restroom. I highly recommend checking them out in order if you’re interested. Here is the first, and here the second.)
By
Blaine Arcade (in a manner of speaking)
The Third of Four Bathroom Breaks
The bathroom of a hotel room is a funny thing. It’s much more comfortable than a public one, with attention to decoration and cleanliness. It mimics what I would call a ‘real’ bathroom, which is to say one that is truly private and owned by those most familiar with it. Hotel beds are often rife with suspicions. Did they change the sheets? How many times has this room had a case of bedbugs? Not the bathroom. Even though it is rented it feels much safer. The germs that we are so afraid carry the personality traits as well as the sexual and financial histories of the last occupant don’t have any fibers to hide in thanks to the purity of tile and treated water. Continue reading
…
Awake before the sun even rose on his final full day, Gawain’s plans were already difficult to set in motion. There was little to actually apply that motion to but his body, but that was pinned down. One of the snails, by far the largest, was sat on his sternum with both stalked eyes trained on his. The two were close enough to kiss. Continue reading
Chaste
Not a soul came to wake him the next day. Practically in mourning was he, with only three days left, having spent most of the morning unconscious. It was like Death had tricked him into yet another game, borrowing what little time was left. Gawain washed the resulting tears out of his eyes with the pitcher of water. The sun shone aggressively through the stained glass, drying his face. Continue reading
…
Yet there he stood, promise shattered, once more in the land of Lossys. No, he reasoned, shattered wasn’t the right word. His vow had melted over the course of a year and a day. His dignity was under him as a puddle, having leaked out like his child’s tears and his coward’s piss. Continue reading
The Green Knight and his Guests
A Retelling of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight
By
Blaine Arcade
Free-Giving
Down the stone steps it rolled, quietly as that heavy a thing could thanks to the carpets unfurled for the day. There was no such padding upon the wall when the stairs reached their midpoint and pivoted at a harsh angle, so the sound of its collision traveled throughout the castle. There was no trouble yet, for everyone that could possibly hear it was floors below and awash in much more joyous noises. Continue reading
