Confabulo: Throw a Monkey Wrench (part three)

(back to part one)

(estimated reading time: 1 hour, 53 minutes)

Ring around the Rose-colored Glasses

Was it possible for the spirit to reside on some heavenly beach while the body still walked a mortal plane? Al was really reaching for explanations as to what was going on inside him. Logically nobody should have better insight than him, but at the same time, wasn’t he the least likely person to ever tear himself open, turn his eyes around, and examine the goings-on?

A beach made sense to him because he was getting the sensation of buoying surf, highs and troughs, almost rhythmically now. During the fight, when the lightning should’ve been taking him from medium well to well done, he instead felt nearly weightless, lifted by intangible tides. Then, after it had died down, the low of bruises and shivers. Continue reading

Confabulo: Throw a Monkey Wrench (part two)

(back to part one)

(estimated reading time: 1 hour, 12 minutes)

Ace the Test

The police station was on the precipice of the Ice Fields, while technically being in the Connections, a sore spot the commissioner tried to cover by shelling out public funds for some diamond veneers on everything from wall lamps to pen caps, the latter on diamond chains of course.

As a result the rest of the materials were subpar, composite board desks, flaky black paint on all the filing cabinets, green felt covering any unsightly water stains but only masking the associated mildew smells with its own sneeze-inducing fibers. The whole place, even with its high ceiling, felt like an office through which movers were transporting the belongings of a much wealthier neighbor. Continue reading

Confabulo: Throw a Monkey Wrench (part one)

One man has reformulated the primordial soup, opening countless possibilities as he keeps the secret recipe to himself.  It animates his robots, who swarm into industry and build lives of their own.  It enlightens the animals, who are granted citizenship!  It turns humans into indestructible floating heads pondering the universe.

The tributaries of revolutionizing soup converge in Iron Baltimore, city of futures bright and dim, where lives the world’s only hyperdiamond manufacturer, the artist known as Al Grand whose own invention, when loaded into a popgun, can destroy a robot’s crystal brain in a single blow.  But he doesn’t sell, and he won’t tell.  Everyone’s got it out for him, and one of them has broken in and left a slimy gift in his apartment…

Throw a Monkey Wrench is the first novel in a Wizard-of-Ozian dieselpunk series of five!

(estimated reading time: 1 hour, 12 minutes)

Confabulo

Throw a Monkey Wrench

by

Blaine Arcade

Dress Up with Nowhere to Go

Figures so unlike their lazy scarecrow cousins were strewn across the half-planted fields. Rusty and plain, riveted at left and right, they were bent and frozen mid-labors with hoes, spades, rakes, and watering cans. Round eyes of ribbed ochre glass were dark as the night, poised to borrow the day.

The first rays of morning crested a distant hill, shot into their midst and struck one of the figures on the chest. A stream resumed, as the watering can they held tilted imperceptibly. More light fired across the land, found purchase in their pitted metal and nesting rust. A hoe struck. A rake dragged.

As seeds dropped into divots squeaking steps made more mere feet away. The metal workers came to life, no need for breakfast or stretches. Not a single dream had broken the sequence of their tasks, as their minds could not take them anywhere without their permission or his.

For them it was as if the night had never occurred, as if stillness never occurred. Their entire existence was active experience, perpetual transportation of body, thought, and emotion, caught in currents that required adaptation. When the currents slowed so did they, and when the currents sped they made history much faster than humans were used to.

The morning didn’t stop there; it kept on out of the farmlands where things only grew yea high and on to the city where they grew until the tallest one toppled. Dawn’s artillery on those walls of glass, concrete, brick, iron, and brass was weaker than breath, for this was Iron Baltimore. Its industry was moved by figures well-adapted, ever-present. One fed the other. The leaking weaknesses of previous perpetual motion machines were patched by the constant influx of human demand, of their mean-spirited and flirtatious pushing, and of their emanating incandescent body heat, like blankets tossed out of windows drifting to the street. Iron Baltimore was swaddled with energy. Continue reading

Snakewaist: Species Invader (part two)

(back to part one)

Logistics

With the mathematical minds of the gigagoyles on their side, they were spared the most difficult calculations of roster and rendezvous. That isn’t to say things went smoothly and without argument, there was in fact no greater concentration of interpersonal discord in the history of life on Earth than occurred between those tens of gigagoyles in the days immediately preceding departure, it just happened in channels of infinitely high bandwidth and thus took only microseconds for each barb to be thrown and countered.

In the strictest terms, acquiring their army should have been child’s play. Gigagoyles had unfettered access to most ferrier software, as they were always intended to be compatible. Plenty of couchgrousers were without pilots who might disconnect their machines from networks when not in use. Any of Onthinice’s recruits could zap to a machine they detected, insert themselves as a pilot program, and be just as effective as a flesh and glitter-blood pilot. Continue reading

Snakewaist: Species Invader (part one)

Chaxium and her formerly human partner Ladyspiller are modern fairies, fighting the good fight against human encroachment, and this time fighting the fairy who goes too far, Chaxium’s ex Clove!  In fey warfare there is only one reliable tool, the living magical machines they can pilot, called ferriers.  Clove’s latest scheme seeks to harness a new breed of them, turn their noble nature to instinctive violence aimed squarely at mankind in this, the fifth Snakewaist novella.  You can find the beginning of the series here.

Snakewaist

Species Invader

by

Blaine Arcade

Underground Networking

Teaching the rules of a board game to a new player is always a taxing process, rewriting their entire world view on a smaller scale, and it becomes infinitely more difficult when new people keep wandering in, staring curiously until they ask to participate, and the unfinished teach must start all over again… and again… and again!?

“So everybody gets two pieces on the board and an understudy in their wings. What, you too? No, sure. We can modify it to accommodate- one, two, three, seven… seventeen players. So, you get two pieces on the board-” Blizzardime the diminutive, the genderless, struggled to explain.

“Is that a-“

“Incredibly fun board game?” they finished. “Yes it is.” Continue reading

Mysterious Americana Catalog: ‘Barmuda Triangle’

M-A-C (26):’Barmuda Triangle’

Category: whatsit

Collection Date: April 13th, 1985

Collection Location: (REDACTED), Georgia

Collection Report: The MAC is not to be confused with the establishment where it was found, also called ‘Barmuda Triangle’: a tropically themed purveyor of alcohol with a stable of billiards tables. For each there is a triangular ball rack with a decal lining the exterior that depicts palm tree silhouettes against an exaggerated orange-to-violet sunset.

Only one is MAC-26, indistinguishable from the rest initially. The catalog’s attention was drawn when several patrons of the bar, all with the same profession of pilot, went missing. There was never any clue in the disappearances, not so much as an empty car where it shouldn’t have been or an article of clothing. Shortly after their visit, six men were simply gone.

Beyond their jobs they all had one thing in common, having played a game on the furthest table from the entrance, next to the jukebox wearing the hula skirt and the coconut bra. Presumably they all handled MAC-26, which was singled out as the culprit from one witness report by (REDACTED): a fellow pilot shooting the breeze and pool with his coworker but who did not go missing, having touched everything at the table but the rack.

The catalog was able to purchase the item from the owner with no fuss as a ‘souvenir’. It is not to be touched by anyone who has ever flown an airplane or helicopter.

Current Collector: Joanna V. Satellito, provisional senior rank

Notes from Collector: “I’m banking on one of those boys reappearing. Need myself a fourth husband.”

Current Status: active

previous entry/next entry

Pineberry Lights

Rumraisin Knacklevern and his best friend Mollywald, a talking flower in a wheeled RC pot, are finally being taken to the farmer’s market where magic and produce are sold in tandem.  There they just might find what they’ve been looking for, Molly’s hypothetical boyfriend, seeing as she’s never encountered one of her own kind before.

Along the way they might cross paths with the strange denizens of the market, like amorous pet rocks, an undead hunger artist, and gourds that are better at eating people than people are gourds in this, a cozy, alternate-1990s, autumnal fantasy novella.

(estimated reading time: 2 hours, 35 minutes)


Pineberry Lights

by

Blaine Arcade

The Kind-of Long Drive

“I spy with my magical eye… something that starts with the letter P.”

“Petals!”

“No.”

“Dang. I thought you were trying to get me because I can’t see mine.”

“The only thing I’m trying to get you is a boyfriend.”

“Parking spots,” interjected the witch from the driver’s seat, having already learned the lesson of not looking over her shoulder when the last time caused both her concentration and one of the windshield wipers to slip. Maybe they’d spot it standing up on the way back, waiting for them like a hitchhiker. At least it was the passenger side one. Continue reading

‘Planet in Theory’ Cover and Re-edit

Hey folks, my probability-based card-combat space opera trilogy ‘Planet in Theory’ has just received a light re-edit and to mark the occasion I’ve made one of my signature lousy covers to slap on it.  It takes place in probable space, on planets that were only ever theorized in our world, and begins here with the manifestation of Pluto after its demotion.  Please check it out if you’re interested.

Grab (finale)

(back to part one)

(estimated reading time: 55 minutes)

In the fog, in the fervor, in the distress, and in the uncertainty, it became impossible for them to tell how much time was passing. A grabbler can known an hour by the number of breaths, but not these grabblers. A grabbler can know autumn by the lethargy in a beetle’s wings, but not these grabblers. These grabblers were sinking in Rooth Tugt.

Falling, Jeremiad realized dumbly as she took a false step and tumbled. The fog tried to trip her with arcing roots and smooth flat rocks underneath, but she managed to put a foot down. It struck a larger rocks, which slid, so her other foot did the same, creating two little sleds that she could use to reach the bottom of the incline as long as she jumped over a few more roots and caught the slipping stone shoes on the other side. Continue reading

Grab (part seven)

(back to part one)

(estimated reading time: 1 hour, 17 minutes)

As they lapsed back into silence, thoughts of the Half-Biters and Beerbetters were left behind. The eye of Xeams did not leave their sky, but soon its powers would be neutralized under the humid greenery. If half the stories of the place were to be believed, only grabblers had a good chance of surviving a journey to the jungle’s center, facing just as much risk on the way out. Even if Roddery Graychild were to pursue them into the dense tangle it was unlikely he could get many others to do so, especially after being half-drowned or whole-drowned by the enigmatic hand of Hexaclete.

Instead the grabblers’ sights were set on the jutting ruin ahead, offering the furthest and least-impeded ingress into Rooth Tugt that, according to Beocroak, also aligned with their heading. To investigate it they would first have to scale the intimidating rock ridge upon which it grew like broken teeth, difficult, but not so much as the crumbling wall of the basin. Or so they thought during that last stretch of Welkmadat, all the way to the start of the climb. Continue reading