Captain Rob Robs (Part Three)

back to part one

Low-Fat Cream Filling

The party that hoped to crack the sugar on top with a most daring robbery did not have an easy time in the first step of their plan. It was best for them to move between levels as quietly as possible, but that became difficult when the massive chamber that acted as the main port of travel between the military wafer and the cream filling was in such chaos. Continue reading

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Captain Rob Robs (Part Two)

back to part one

Mitts on the Glass

There were two metal blocks on Second Wall, even though only one was named such. The true Metal Block had a much darker color and was home to the ever-growing sheet of bropato Alast had crawled across in his adolescence. The other was across the three sinks, close to the Bottomless Rot and First Door. Continue reading

Captain Rob Robs (Part One)

(Author’s Note: This is the third in a four volume high fantasy series set in the lowest of places: a gigantic public restroom.  I highly recommend checking them out in order if you’re interested.  Here is the first, and here the second.)

By

Blaine Arcade (in a manner of speaking)

 

The Third of Four Bathroom Breaks

The bathroom of a hotel room is a funny thing. It’s much more comfortable than a public one, with attention to decoration and cleanliness. It mimics what I would call a ‘real’ bathroom, which is to say one that is truly private and owned by those most familiar with it. Hotel beds are often rife with suspicions. Did they change the sheets? How many times has this room had a case of bedbugs? Not the bathroom. Even though it is rented it feels much safer. The germs that we are so afraid carry the personality traits as well as the sexual and financial histories of the last occupant don’t have any fibers to hide in thanks to the purity of tile and treated water. Continue reading

Snakewaist: The Demon of Gougecoin (Part One)

Author’s Note: This is the second in a series of three novellas about fairies operating in the modern day by way of transforming magical mecha that allow them to act on the human scale.  They specifically tackle the intersection of old biases and new technologies.  If you’re interested I recommend starting with the first one, as they all follow the same characters.

Onthinice

Kunk kunk. Nobody answered the door, so to the back of the line with Pollywig. The next fairy up guessed that she just hadn’t been forceful enough. KUNK KUNK! He succeeded in bruising his knuckles, but not in opening it, so Taxido had to cede his place. If the other nine failed again he could have another turn at it. Next was Bellirub, and she had bragged after every attempt that she had a way with stubborn magical things. Her knock was practically melodious: katunk kunk katunkituktuk. Continue reading

The Green Knight and his Guests: Part Three

Chaste

Not a soul came to wake him the next day. Practically in mourning was he, with only three days left, having spent most of the morning unconscious. It was like Death had tricked him into yet another game, borrowing what little time was left. Gawain washed the resulting tears out of his eyes with the pitcher of water. The sun shone aggressively through the stained glass, drying his face. Continue reading