magic

Captain Rob Robs (Part Two)

~ Blaine Arcade ~ Leave a comment

back to part one

(reading time: 1 hour, 8 minutes)

Mitts on the Glass

There were two metal blocks on Second Wall, even though only one was named such. The true Metal Block had a much darker color and was home to the ever-growing sheet of bropato Alast had crawled across in his adolescence. The other was across the three sinks, close to the Bottomless Rot and First Door.

Named the Tunnel of Sweat, it too produced something from within that was found nowhere else in the world. They were like two sides of the same tile, for while Metal Block produced the lush life of Porce’s most ancient plant, the Tunnel of Sweat issued only fire and death. None knew the source of its infinite flame, but a wide downturned spout on its face, called Plowr’s Pyre, irregularly roared to life and spewed burning gusts of wind. The cities atop the Tunnel of Sweat, most notably Corner and its eternal rival Truecorner, were spared the effects of this weather. Continue reading →

Captain Rob Robs (Part One)

~ Blaine Arcade ~ 12 Comments

(Author’s Note: This is the third in a four volume high fantasy series set in the lowest of places: a gigantic public restroom.  I highly recommend checking them out in order if you’re interested.  Here is the first, and here the second.)

(reading time: 1 hour, 28 minutes) (reading time for entire novel: 11 hours, 8 minutes)

By

Blaine Arcade (in a manner of speaking)

The Third of Four Bathroom Breaks

The bathroom of a hotel room is a funny thing. It’s much more comfortable than a public one, with attention to decoration and cleanliness. It mimics what I would call a ‘real’ bathroom, which is to say one that is truly private and owned by those most familiar with it. Hotel beds are often rife with suspicions. Did they change the sheets? How many times has this room had a case of bedbugs? Not the bathroom. Even though it is rented it feels much safer. The germs that we are so afraid carry the personality traits as well as the sexual and financial histories of the last occupant don’t have any fibers to hide in thanks to the purity of tile and treated water.

For a brief time I even worked hotel housekeeping at a star-counting resort. I can confirm that the bathroom sees the most attention, for even single loose hairs stand out against its surfaces. In my time I found some strange things and messes in guest bathrooms. Health devices I couldn’t identify. Peanut butter smeared on mirrors. It was long after I was working, while I was merely a guest in a different hotel, that I found the one that stood out the most. Continue reading →

Snakewaist: The Demon of Gougecoin (Part Two)

~ Blaine Arcade ~ 1 Comment

(reading time: 1 hour, 32 minutes)

The Knight and the Thief

After leaving Twarly behind their journey took several days. Snakewaist could not travel along interstates because of the danger of being seen, so they opted instead for the most forested route and a few old fairy tunnels that were magical enough to move out of the way of any cables and pipes bumblers tried to install.

There were several family trees on the way, but neither of them particularly felt like making diplomatic stops yet. If they succeeded in stopping the electric demon they would have something to show for their travels, and would be much less embarrassed to ask for lodging. Continue reading →

Snakewaist: The Demon of Gougecoin (Part One)

~ Blaine Arcade ~ 3 Comments

Join the modern fairies Chaxium and Ladyspiller as they use their transforming magic mecha-snake to intervene in the madness of the human world, this time doing battle with digital dragons and a thief stealing electricity to power his crypto-hoard.

This is the second in a series of novellas, so if you’re interested I’d recommend starting with the first.

(reading time: 1 hour, 9 minutes) (reading time for entire novella: 2 hours, 41 minutes)

Snakewaist:

The Demon of Gougecoin

by

Blaine Arcade

Onthinice

Kunk kunk. Nobody answered the door, so to the back of the line with Pollywig. The next fairy up guessed that she just hadn’t been forceful enough. KUNK KUNK! He succeeded in bruising his knuckles, but not in opening it, so Taxido had to cede his place. If the other nine failed again he could have another turn at it. Next was Bellirub, and she had bragged after every attempt that she had a way with stubborn magical things. Her knock was practically melodious: katunk kunk katunkituktuk.

“I think I heard something move behind it,” she insisted, but that was met with good-natured booing and hissing. It was time for the owners to give it another shot; they stepped up together.

“Do it as a couple!” somebody shouted from the back. “It’ll be twice as powerful.” The rest of the party agreed and cheered them on until their hands locked together and the blades of their transparent wings overlapped. They looked at each other encouragingly, both a little surprised and elated to see the happiness sparkling in the other’s eyes. They’d come a long way in a few short months. Continue reading →

The Green Knight and his Guests: Finale

~ Blaine Arcade ~ Leave a comment

(reading time: 1 hour, 29 minutes)

…

Awake before the sun even rose on his final full day, Gawain’s plans were already difficult to set in motion. There was little to actually apply that motion to but his body, but that was pinned down. One of the snails, by far the largest, was sat on his sternum with both stalked eyes trained on his. The two were close enough to kiss. Continue reading →

The Green Knight and his Guests: Part Three

~ Blaine Arcade ~ 1 Comment

(reading time: 1 hour, 37 minutes)

Chaste

Not a soul came to wake him the next day. Practically in mourning was he, with only three days left, having spent most of the morning unconscious. It was like Death had tricked him into yet another game, borrowing what little time was left. Gawain washed the resulting tears out of his eyes with the pitcher of water. The sun shone aggressively through the stained glass, drying his face. Continue reading →

The Green Knight and his Guests: Part One

~ Blaine Arcade ~ 3 Comments

(blurb)

Sir Gawain and the Green Knight is a classic Arthurian tale of bravery, hubris, and honesty in which the titular knight must willingly go to his death at the hands of an otherworldly knight who is not inconvenienced by the loss of his own head.

This is a retelling, enriched with even more adventure and magic, designed to get at the heart of the man who foolishly accepts any challenge.  Even centuries since it was originally put to paper, Sir Gawain’s struggle grows ever more elaborate, like the winding ivy locks of the green knight himself.

(reading time: 1 hour, 32 minutes) (reading time for entire novel: 5 hours, 55 minutes)

The Green Knight and his Guests

A Retelling of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight

By

Blaine Arcade

Free-Giving

Down the stone steps it rolled, quietly as that heavy a thing could thanks to the carpets unfurled for the day. There was no such padding upon the wall when the stairs reached their midpoint and pivoted at a harsh angle, so the sound of its collision traveled throughout the castle. There was no trouble yet, for everyone that could possibly hear it was floors below and awash in much more joyous noises. Continue reading →

Twitch Stream Story: One Third of a Resurrection

~ Blaine Arcade ~ Leave a comment

Prompt: A young necromancer exists in a world filled with fairy tale tropes. They set out on a quest to prove that dark magic does not make you an evil person.

Nothing would ever convince him that gratitude was not the appropriate response. Yes, Orkey Simth was still very young, just fifteen, but he knew right from wrong. He knew that undoing death was right, and one day the others would be convinced. Hopefully it was this day. He could smell something awfully dead inside the cave. It needed his help. Continue reading →

Twitch Stream Story: Fly into the Future

~ Blaine Arcade ~ Leave a comment

Prompt: Nobody dared go near the tower, as a fearsome dragon lay at the top. One day a knight rode up. “Do you need help to get down?” “Please.”

His horse could only go so far before the magic took effect. The animal had no idea what was happening, just that its legs were giving out. It collapsed onto its side with a panicked whinny, tossing its rider into the dirt. They should’ve been safely in the shade, but nothing was right in the area around the tower. Continue reading →