Chat Lib #10: Tweet of the Juggernaut

Chat Libs is a ‘Mad Libs’ based activity over on our Twitch live stream.  The audience suggests a scenario, I write a story template with missing words, and they fill in the holes.  Hilarity ensues.  If you wish to participate you can join us at

Scenario: Live-tweeting at the Gnome Fair

This is Claptaff Juggernaut live-tweeting at you from the 203rd annual Gnome Fair! Hooray! You guys are going to hear about every single thing I do here, no matter how sordid.

I’m standing next to the mayor of the third stall in the Taco Ball restroom! I think she’s just pretending to like all the fried communion wafers. Showing off for the cameras and her gnome constituents. She better work hard, only won the last election by several votes. Me? I voted for Liberace.

There’s the gnome-coaster. Some people call it the skimpy skeleton, and few are brave enough to ride it. Plus, since everything is for garish gnomes, you have to be under a certain height to ride! I’m too scared, so it’s a no thanks for me. Moving along. I think I see a mustard seedplanting carnival game! That’s where my skills are.

You should’ve seen that guy’s xenophobic face when I got the highest score. I won a stuffed parasite the size of Oprah’s bank account! I’m going to put it in my bedroom right next to my George Orwell’s lesser known book 1985 poster. Wooh! What else is there left to bedazzle here?

Guys, stop begging. I’m not going on the coaster. I heard a story about a philosopher who rode it once and got a dunkaroo straight through his brain! Sure his family got a settlement payment of thirteen hundred koalas, but you know… death! I’m heading for the exit.

Okay, fine. Peer pressure is bad, but not when it gets me this many followers. Lucky for you guys I’m three quarters gnome on my red headed step child‘s side. Just short enough to get on. Okay. Seats are comfy. Pulling down the safety dentures. It fits rather snugly over my tinfoil hat except there wasn’t enough foil so some of it is plastic wrap, so I feel pretty safe.

Oh god it’s so fast! I can barely tweet! If I die I officially leave my fake candy to my monkey’s uncle, and nothing to Wonder Woman because she’s a total damned luxurious mountain goat. Goodbye everyone! Waaaaaaah!

Okay that was pretty fun. Turns out I was exaggerating. There is a kiss my grits festival next week, and I hear that gets really dangerous! Stay tuned everybody.

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