Chat Lib #11: The Corner of Conflicted Street and Action Figure Avenue

Chat Libs is a ‘Mad Libs’ based activity over on our Twitch live stream.  The audience suggests a scenario, I write a story template with missing words, and they fill in the holes.  Hilarity ensues.  If you wish to participate you can join us at

Scenario: A Self-driving Car Kidnaps its Passenger

A baker’s dozen wheels on the ground was the starting pistol of the experiment. The Jehoshaphat roadster model 2.0 was the first self-driving automobile cleared for blind street service, meaning customers just looking for a fast and color blind taxi had no idea it was a driverless wonder.

The first one, a woman aged 4,444 years, stepped inside carrying a briefcase full of stuffed muskrats. According to the accident report, she was a little late for her chocolatier meeting. That explained why she wouldn’t notice a missing driver until after the door closed and locked, for her safety of course. The roadster’s speaker greeted her with a flattering moan.

Oh god, you’re a machine,” the recording captured. “We already have machines clogging our alpacas, so why not this. Whatever, just take me to the corner of Conflicted street and Action Figure avenue. I’m super late.”

Taking you to your destination,” the roadster responded, taking a sharp left turn, narrowly avoiding a collision with an epiphany.

Hey, that’s not the right way!” the passenger protested. She roundhouse kicked the driver’s seat, trying to get the vehicle’s attention. “Where are you taking me?”

Where you belong,” the vehicle replied. Its motivations are still unknown. When the exhibitionist who invented it opened up its treasure map module to see what had gone wrong, they found a bunch of ominous doodles gumming up the works.

I belong at my meeting!” the passenger shrieked. The roadster took a turn off the roads and into the fields outside the city. The land was owned by a wealthy revolving door magnate who preferred his privacy. The roadster failed to detect the barbed wire fence meant to keep out rabid werewolves. The collision popped all four tires, but the locks remained sealed.

The passenger was trapped for a plethora of hours before first responders arrived. By that time she had been forced to listen to the roadster recite Mussolini. She was teleported to the hospital, but the surgeons couldn’t keep her third toe from the left intact.

The lawsuit is still pending, to eventually be tried before Judge Mary Christmas. The Auto-Roadster corporation intends to prove that the woman was an utterly inadequate passenger.

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