Chat Lib #12: Carol Zoops them All

Chat Libs is a ‘Mad Libs’ based activity over on our Twitch live stream.  The audience suggests a scenario, I write a story template with missing words, and they fill in the holes.  Hilarity ensues.  If you wish to participate you can join us at

Scenario: A hula hooping contest with irregular-sized hoops

You think you’re so bouncy? Watch this!” the man challenged his coworker. He lifted his college ring, topped with an expertly-cut piece of chewing gum, and spun it on the end of his finger. “I can do this for three millennia.” To prove his point he stood up from his cubicle, completely ignoring the ringing for his conference call with the head trophy wife, and started walking away. The ring never wobbled.

Anybody can do a tiny ring,” his opponent scoffed. He ran over to the lost and found, rifled past some neutron stars and a giant novelty piece of lint, and eventually found a tape measure. He pulled out its entire length and taped it into a ring, giving him something 141 feet wide. He put it around his flirtatious waist and started gyrating.

You nerds are supposed to be working!” Carol chided. She was never any fun; the rumors were that she used to party like a confused airplane, but then her jellyfish passed away. She was forced to dive to the floor when the side of the tape measure nearly knocked her off her Curiosity rover.

Sorry Carol, we need a winner,” the ring-spinner insisted. “First to drop loses! Oh and the other has to buy faces for the whole office!” The rest of the employees cheered in response. Even without Carol, days at Marvelous Addict Incorporated could be dull as dishwater. Usually, the only interruption was the occasional wood stove coming through and flipping across the office. Some people said that was a marketing stunt, but it didn’t seem like an effective way to sell radiation protection.

Back up! I need more Twitch chat!” the tape-measure spinner shouted. People pushed chairs and printers out of the way. The ring-spinner had to focus on his own task, so he leapt over the tape measure like a jump rope and kept going. He checked the clock hanging on the wall: 34:18! The boss would be back any minute!

He tried to trip his opponent, but the other tried the same tactic at the exact same time! Their toes collided, creating a catastrophic zoop. They both collapsed into a pile, tape measure and ring flying into the ceiling and breaking the glass sippy cup.

So who won?” one of them asked, rubbing his bruised taste bud.

Carol won!” They looked over and saw her spinning both the tape measure and the ring, having caught them on the way down. “Looks like there’s a new republican in the office!” Carol smiled, dancing like a slippery neckbeard, spinning all the while.

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