Mysterious Americana Catalog: ‘Used Water’

M-A-C (10): ‘Used Water’

Category: whatsit

Collection Date: (REDACTED), 1985

Collection Location: (REDACTED), Delaware

Collection Report: Here will be made a note regarding MAC discoveries at yard sales: In no other circumstance are you more likely to discover a MAC or an associated item than at a yard sale. Statistically, over 17% of items that move through the Catalog have previously passed through at least one recorded garage or yard sale. There is also an effect, unrelated to each individual piece, where MACs that have been purchased in cash show reduced anomalous effects, but that being offered for sale at one of the events increases them again. This effect cannot be replicated artificially.

Phillips was the initial collector, and was actively hunting MACs, or ‘bargains’ as he insists on calling them in all official documentation, when he came across a cardboard box under a pile of thoroughly rusted gardening tools. The box was labeled ‘used water’.

Upon opening it he discovered an amount of water filling the space as expected, but not bleeding into the cardboard. Tipping it over resulted in a slow pour like a thick sauce, with the water refusing to split except under great pressure. Phillips noted it was crystal clear but had a ‘depth’ of blue to its color.

Though the water, when placed on a flat surface, would eventually spread out extremely thin, it could be pulled back into a blob like removing plastic wrap from the same surface. It separates from tap water and groundwater as if it were oil.

The price was $7.00, haggled down from (REDACTED), so acquisition was simple.

Current Collector: Phillips ‘don’t you f***ing redact me’ Phillips-Head, senior rank

Notes from Collector: I think it’s water that’s just tuckered out. We’ve used it to wash too many f***ing cars, water too many f***ing hound dogs, and left it sitting in a f***king rain barrel until it turned to f***king vinegar. That means the rest of it might get tired soon; then we’re all f***ed to the moon.

Current Status: active

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