Mysterious Americana Catalog: ‘Hon’

M-A-C (12): ‘Hon’

Category: doohickey

Collection Date: (REDACTED), 1986

Collection Location: (REDACTED), North Carolina

Collection Report: M-A-C (12) has a recorded collection date, but no associated report, despite it being the most well-known of the Catalog’s myriad items. That is due to it being featured on the cover of five consecutive issues, just prior to the discontinuation of all cover images.

Picked up from the entryway of one of our collectors’ facilities, and always stored in such a place to discourage it from fleeing, ‘Hon’, as it is called, is a tawny welcome mat three feet and five inches across. It bears the phrase ‘Come on in Hon!’

When insufficient foot traffic passes over Hon it will move about on its own, seeking affection, a state in which it has been witnessed running, jumping, crawling, and placing itself in laps in an apparent demand to be stroked.

This behavior cannot be recorded, as any attempt to move it by force while under surveillance results in a tide of insects emitted instead (those typically living under welcome mats like millipedes, (REDACTED), and wood lice), despite there being no possible source for them.

Current Collector: ‘Brigadoon’: The MAC private museum, gallery, and war room, senior rank

Notes from Collector: “Hon is the mascot of the Catalog, insofar as there can be one. As such his only home is Brigadoon, the largest collection in existence. Visiting hours are never. Get used to it. You want to meet the mat? Get senior rank, get the scars to match, then give us a call. Don’t forget to lose the phone number.

Current Status: active

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