Mysterious Americana Catalog: ‘Bund Button’

M-A-C (6): ‘Bund Button’

Category: whatsit

Collection Date: Jan. 7th, 2021

Collection location: Washington D.C.

Collection Report: The item was claimed by a coroner in the aftermath of the right-wing insurrection on the U.S. capital. It was worn by a known conspiracy theorist with a small but dedicated online following that was difficult for the Catalog to neutralize.

The item is a shield-shaped American flag pin with the letters ‘GAB’, for German American Bund, what might today be called the American Nazi Party. The coroner, being intimately familiar with our organization, swears that upon removing the pin a length of metal retracted out of a wound on the cadaver’s chest, just over the heart.

Investigation has connected the pin to an X-ray in our files received (REDACTED) decades prior.

The X-ray shows a network of needle-tipped wires spread throughout the circulatory system. Catalog doctors assure us that the tips would’ve caused extreme pain and irritation.

Behavioral record analysis of (REDACTED) and (REDACTED) suggests a worsening pattern of fascist behavior in individuals who put on the Bund button. This suggests that the button painlessly inserts itself and grows in accordance with radicalism, eventually punishing behavior that is not sufficiently fascist with painful new growth.

One afflicted person, confirmed via photograph, was believed to be so ‘filled’ with tendrils of the button that he was incapable of walking aside from ‘goose-stepping’.

Death is believed inevitable, but in the case of the conspiracy theorist, appears to have been caused by the crowd around him squeezing the sharp ends of the button into his artery walls.

Current Collector: ‘Honey Crisp’ or ‘HC’, senior rank

Notes From Collector: It’s been acting up since 2016, even without anybody going near it, growing on its own, like a f***ing orchid. It cracked a glass panel that I’ve replaced with something tougher. You can’t ever stop fighting these things, these godd***ed creepers.”

Current Status: active

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