Mysterious Americana Catalog: ‘Brainy Baseball’

M-A-C (1): ‘brainy baseball’

Category: doohickey

Collection Date: August 3rd, 1975

Collection Location: (REDACTED), Arizona

Collection Report: A children’s baseball game was interrupted by the strange behavior of the ball used. Whenever thrown it veered unnaturally out of the way of the bat and into the catcher’s mitt.

The crowd gathered around it, which quickly devolved into destructive behavior. A volunteered handyman’s saw was used to cut the ball in half, resulting in a small puddle of amber leather-scented fluid.

The baseball’s interior was brain matter molded, or grown, into a spherical shape. After the splitting no other signs of life or intelligence were observed. One of our collectors was in attendance and, having worked as a high school science teacher, offered to take it in ‘for testing’. The game resumed with a spare ball.

Current Collector: Loretta (REDACTED), senior rank.

Notes From Collector: I couldn’t shove through them damn fools fast enough. One half was rolling away before I could even see it. It surprised me, though it shouldn’t have… It wasn’t any of the kids. One of the adults sawed it in two, first thing, having hardly looked at it.

I think it needed force acting on it to express itself, like the throw, so it had no defense on the ground. Our poor old national past time laid an egg and our first instinct is to break it.

I’ve had it in that jar for decades now. It’s for sure dead as any other baseball, almost as dead as its momma.”

Current Status: inactive (preserved in formaldehyde)

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