Mysterious Americana Catalog: ‘Rebirth Dunker’

M-A-C (3): ‘Rebirth Dunker’

Category: whatsit

Collection Date: March 13th, 1982

Collection location: (REDACTED), Iowa

Collection Report: Luckily the MAC was discovered just before what would have been a disastrous installation at a county fair. It is a combination item: wooden dunk tank, collapsing seat, target on metal lever, and a weighted ball. All sections must be present and used in conjunction for the anomalous effect.

During a ‘test dunk’, the nephew of (REDACTED) threw the ball and submerged his uncle completely in normal water taken from their well. When the 56 year old man emerged he displayed several unusual symptoms:

total amnesia including loss of language (thought full capacity returned by the next day), infantile crying, bloating, softening of the skin, general and extreme weakness, and recession of the teeth into the gums.

Upon recovery he professed that the experience was ‘magical’ and that he felt ‘unburdened’ of all his past traumas, as if completely reborn mentally. (REDACTED) more members of his family underwent the dunking process, all of whom went on to show a marked improvement in mental health for the remainder of their days.

When they eventually consulted a doctor it happened to be a physician associated with the Catalog, who immediately contacted a collector.

The initial collector was believed to have abused the privilege, dunking themselves repeatedly despite the ‘mint condition’ directive. It has since changed hands three times.

The initial dunk in the record removed all knowledge of where the man had acquired the tank, though he somehow remembered getting a ‘sweet deal’.

Current Collector: Nichole (REDACTED), junior rank

Notes From Collector: I know the seat was only handed off to me because I’m young and everybody thinks it’s a lesser temptation for a young person, but I want to say I’m still honored. I won’t let the Catalog down. I know this is just the first one in what will be a massive collection. Thank you, so much… thank you.”

Current Status: active

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