blaine arcade

Giftysit & Rulover

~ Blaine Arcade ~ 2 Comments

Giftysit & Rulover

Designation: the GIF TZU & WRAPPING PAPER cillimorphs

Group: MAMMALISH

Native Biomes: PLANET URBANIAC

Size: SMALL

Interesting Facts: An ornamental breed that loves the suburbs, Giftysit sometimes appears in piles of presents during the holidays, and there’s no way of knowing if people actually got you one, because they always take the credit anyway. Rulover enjoys rolling around in shredded paper, and sometimes its coat will change to match. Always brush a Rulover; you never know how long a shred of the holidays has been stuck under their topcoat.

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Snite & Sgnarly

~ Blaine Arcade ~ 2 Comments

Snite&Sgnarly

Snite & Sgnarly

Designation: SNOTTITE cillimorphs

Group: COLONIAL

Native Biomes: PLANET BOLDERO

Size: SMALL & MEDIUM

Interesting Facts: Remember I said some cillimorphs were slimy and gooey? Yeah, this is them (also others). These nasty boogers live in caves, slurping around on the ceiling and hanging down way too brazenly. Snite focuses its vision through the clearest gemstones it can find, and searches out the best stalactite tips to make the best smile it can. Sgnarly stops caring about smiling, because it’s got buff crystal arms, and you don’t need a smile when you’re ROCK HARD.

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Snaked & Lurided

~ Blaine Arcade ~ 4 Comments

Snaked & Lurided

Designation: SNAKEHEAD cillimorphs

Group: FISHY

Native Biomes: PLANET WOODZY & PLANET SPLISHY

Size: SMALL & MEDIUM

Interesting Facts: Snaked’s big eye is actually a false spot for intimidation; the real eye is far forward on the snout. These freshwater cillimorphs live in swampy lakes and rivers, often bullying their way into the best feeding spots and keeping others out.

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Cillimorphs Field Guide

~ Blaine Arcade ~ 330 Comments

Cillimorphs

a creature-collecting universe

&

field guide

by

Blaine Arcade

What is a cillimorph anyway, huh smart guy??

A cillimorph is an organism created from a combination of organisms, objects, and concepts found on the defunct planet E-A-R-T-H, pronounced ‘urth’ for some reason and not ‘ear-th’, like you’re saying ‘ears’ with a lisp.

Anyway, you can’t just make a cillimorph with hopes, dreams, and sub-light speed engines, which was pretty much all those cave goobers had when they left that planet with a dumb name after absolutely trashing the place in a major rager called consumerism. What you need is a crystal of this stuff, cillium: Continue reading →

Mysterious American Catalog: ‘Literally Figurative Lightning Rod’

~ Blaine Arcade ~ 3 Comments

M-A-C (25): ‘Literally Figurative Lightning Rod’

Category: whatsit

Collection Date: October 29th, 1995

Collection Location: (REDACTED), Massachusetts

Collection Report: Reported and logged by its current collector, this MAC is an antique lightning rod with a thick patina. Its midsection bears an oddly shaped bulge that, when viewed from certain angles, resembles a fist deploying the middle finger. It was installed where it currently stands, on the roof of the collector’s compound, where it serves both its intended function and its anomalous one. Continue reading →

Blaine Arcade Works Genre/Vibes Guide

~ Blaine Arcade ~ 2 Comments

All of the blurbs for my work are already available, but maybe what you’re after is not the hook, but a bag of tropes, or a feel, or an aesthetic.  That’s what this is for.  So here are most of my works followed by their genre/subgenre/inspirations/influences/aesthetics.  As a reminder, all of my works are completely free to read, please check any out that interest you.

Book Series

Captain Rob Series – (Pirates of the Caribbean, Army of Darkness, Lord of the Rings, Monty Python and the Holy Grail)

Planet in Theory Series – (electro swing music, space opera, southern gothic, murder mystery)

Declaration Series – (American revolution, The Dark Crystal, Finnegan’s Wake)

Confabulo Series – (Wizard-of-Ozian science fantasy, dieselpunk, Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow)
Continue reading →

Mysterious Americana Catalog: ‘Bindlestiff Call’

~ Blaine Arcade ~ 3 Comments

M-A-C (24): ‘Bindlestiff Call’

Category: whatsit

Collection Date: N/A

Collection Location: N/A

Collection Report: This rumored MAC has only secondhand accounts, many from those who are known abusers of the Horseshit Protocol: anglers of the one that got away. According to these rumors, the MAC is a gift shop wooden train whistle, little more than a tan rectangular prism.

Blowing on it summons various bindlestiffs, hitchhikers, hobos, and vagrants out of the woodwork, none of whom claim to have heard the whistle, and were merely ‘passing through’. Continue reading →

Mysterious Americana Catalog: ‘Saw Bank’

~ Blaine Arcade ~ 3 Comments

M-A-C (23): ‘Saw Bank’

Category: doohickey

Collection Date: April 1st, 1967

Collection Location: Wall Street, New York

Collection Report: After a bank raid, and just prior to thirteen suicides from the roof of the (REDACTED) building, in which all those who died had not a single bill or coin on their person, this item was found tipped over on the sidewalk.

M-A-C (23) is a cast iron mechanical bank depicting two lumber workers sawing at a log. The coin slit is positioned just behind the blade, and the lever is the ‘falling’ round of wood on the front. When a coin is deposited and the lever pressed, the figures saw back and forth briefly. Continue reading →

Mysterious Americana Catalog: ‘Sore Spotter’

~ Blaine Arcade ~ 3 Comments

M-A-C (22): ‘Sore Spotter’

Category: whatsit

Collection Date: September 13th, 2001

Collection Location: (REDACTED), Wisconsin

Collection Report: Teenager D.C. Wingfire was testing out a newly purchased (via her father) dartboard from a yard sale. (Take note that the item was previously flagged under the Horseshit Protocol, but was not collected.) The two engaged in a friendly game.

Through foolishly jumping in front of his daughter’s shot, the father wound up with a dart embedded in his thigh. The wound was judged minor after its removal; the dart was washed and play resumed. Continue reading →