This text is a handy field guide to the water closet world of Porce. Porce is an entire world that used to be a human public bathroom. Its peoples and creatures are tiny, but it has a lengthy history and rich culture all its own. This small additional text is meant to further one’s understanding of Porce’s peoples, animals, landmarks, important objects, culture, plants, food, and history. It contains many minor story details for my Captain Rob novel series, so be wary that you might run into things that slightly spoil their stories for you.
This will be updated over time, so please ignore any blank entries.
Folk (Races) and Language
Lightfolk: Lightfolk are minuscule but resemble human beings in every other way. They live all across Porce and participate in a wide variety of cultures and societies. Their language, Wide Porcian, is the most widely spoken in the world. They are the only folk that can become gravefolk upon death.
Tilefolk: Tilefolk are humanoid in shape, but do not have heads. Their large faces are spread across their torsos, with eyes below the collarbone, flat noses, and wide mouths under the ribs. They have copious body hair ranging in color from blond to black, but the most common color is reddish. They are traditionally agrarian and family-oriented, with their cultures valuing down-to-Earth philosophies. Their populations are most concentrated on the world floor, across both the Shattered and Cracked Tiles. Their language is Pawtymouth.
Bergfolk: Bergfolk are lanky humanoids, the tallest of the races. They too have copious body hair, but its coloring is limited to white and gray. They have bulbous heads with exaggerated fleshy noses and ears. Their populations are concentrated around the toils, rin cliffs, and stalls. They are insular and have strict justice systems. Their language is Merdidu.
Gravefolk: Gravefolk are wicked lightfolk given a second chance to redeem themselves. They are living skeletons, effectively immortal until their skull is destroyed or weathered to nothing. They have no need of food, water, air, or temperature regulation, but they still need to sleep. Madness is common among them. They are the only race that can bonepick within Porce proper. It is a combat art allowing them to alter the gravitational force acting upon their bones to change direction, alter momentum, and modify the application of force.
Prosites: An ancient race of colorful blobs with single many-pupiled eyes floating within. They don’t have any society left in the main body of Porce and are usually reviled by the folk. They can build armored humanoid bodies called ‘proliths’ out of surrounding inanimate matter, making them effective soldiers and guards. Their language, preserved only in various other strains within the walls and pipes, is Coproglossi.
Porce is a fantasy world made out of a public restroom of Earth. Its gravity is, for the most part, reversed, with it always pushing out from the center. This allows its people and creatures to travel and live across the floor, ceiling, and walls. Most are aware, though not all accept, the nature of their world as a washroom for long dead giants. This is called ‘the Gross Truth’.
Many believe Porce was once ruled by eight gods, separate from the giants that built Porce, who made its animals and peoples. These gods were Plowr, Swimmr, Luminatr, Dealr, Whispr, Howlr, Scribblr, and Greetr. They eventually interbred with their own creations, resulting in the Oaths. Each Oath was sworn to protect a piece of Porce. Eventually their children gained custody of those oaths and became the Custodians.
Porce’s history is divided into two well-known ages, with a third existing mostly as a vague idea of prehistory. The first is the Age of Tragedy when war, disease, and disaster mostly killed the gods and millions of other things. The second is the Age of Building which contains modern history where the acts of gods have been wholly replaced by religious worship of them.
The Eight Gods
Plowr: A god associated with the tiles said to have created the tilefolk.
Swimmr: A god associated with the toils and their waters, said to have created the bergfolk.
Greetr: A naïve god who spent much time staring out into the Dark Empty. She is said to have created the lightfolk from an echo seen in its empty distance.
Scribblr: A scribe god obsessed with the giants’ graffiti across the walls of Porce.
Dealr: A diplomatic god who was always of two minds. He is said to have created the gravefolk from the lightfolk as part of an ancient pact.
Howlr: An enthusiastic noisy god known for causing natural disasters with her singing voice.
Luminatr: Most intelligent of the gods, known for being incisive and meticulous. She tended to clean up after the messes of creation that were her siblings’ work.
Whispr: A god that did not want to exist and spent most time pretending that was the case.
Toil Papism is the other dominant religion in Porce. Instead of worshiping the eight gods Toil Papists worship the Spotless, and entity believed to be clean of sin. Their holy book is the Toil papers, a collection of stories, poetry, and philosophy based largely on the graffiti of Porce.
They do not accept the Gross Truth and instead believe they live in a filthy world as punishment. Many of them seek cleansing, purification, or elevation in order to rise in the eyes of their clean deity.
Cracked Tiles: A large chunk of the World Floor that is very stony. The lines of tilework can still be seen from the sky.
Shattered Tiles: The other half of the World Floor, its lines erased by time and weather events. Its soil is extremely fertile. Much of Porce’s farming is concentrated there.
Tributaroads: The largest and widest network of roads in Porce. It moves across the entirety of the tiles on the World Floor and splits up into many smaller individually named roads. They are used primarily for commerce and migration, but rude armies push their way across them as well.
First Door: The washroom door. It cannot open, but does not seal Porce off from the Dark Empty perfectly.
Black Gap: The gap under First Door, providing an obstructed view out into the Dark Empty. Looking into it for too long is considered dangerous for your sanity. Leaving Porce through it is certain death.
Dark Empty: The void beyond Porce. It appears to have no end, but occasionally other specks of debris can be spotted drifting by in the distance.
Dry Rin Cliff: One of two urinals in Porce. This one is cut off from its water supply.
Rinvision Stone: The rock wall dividing the two urinals. It is large enough to have gravity of its own, allowing civilizations to form on both sides and its top and bottom edges.
Slick Rin Cliff: The second of two urinals. Its water runs constantly, creating the largest waterfall in all of Porce. Porce’s greatest city, the bergfolk tower of Rinlatour, rises out of its drain, feeding on the waters that pool around its base.
Draining Sea: The cycling sea of Slick Rin Cliff, fed by the waterfall and eventually returned to the pipes by the drain.
Written Stone: The stone wall dividing Slick Rin Cliff and First Toil. It has some graffiti from the old world and is large enough to have a gravitational pull supporting civilizations on all its faces and edges.
First Holder: The toilet paper holder of First Stall. The paper has become a massive living plant that can be continually harvested. Curved cities are sustained inside the roll.
First Stone Door: The door of First Stall. It remains shut. Its size allows civilization across its faces and edges.
First Toil: The toilet of First Stall. Civilizations exist across it, but its bowl is dry, filled instead by a circular forest.
Green Ring: The circular forest within the dry bowl of First Toil. Its borders resemble a ringed stain in the bowl. It is considered the second wildest place in Porce after the Threewall Wild.
Darid’s Arid: A desert atop First Toil.
Glorious Stone: The stone wall dividing First and Second Stall. Civilizations play out across its faces and edges. There is a hole in it called the Glory Hole, believed by Papists to be the place where their glorious god will return.
Glory Hole: The most sacred location to a Toil Papist. Many believe their glorious god will return there one day or that passing through it cleanses them of sin.
Second Holder: The toilet paper holder of Second Stall. Its paper is a great living plant that can be continuously harvested. Curved cities live within the roll.
Second Stone Door: The door of Second Stall. It swings on its hinges depending on the strength of the wind. It is large enough to support its own gravity, letting people live across its faces and edges.
Second Toil: The toilet of Second Stall. Its bowl is full with a sea and its waters are considered the cleanest in the world. The civilization under its flushing lever is one of the wealthiest in existence.
Flooded Front: A floodplain at the base of Second Toil that one of the Tributaroads dissolves into.
Graffon Stone: The stone wall dividing Second Stall and Third Stall. It is known for bearing the most of the ancient graffiti. Its size and gravity allow folk to live across its faces and edges.
Third Holder: The toilet paper holder of Third Stall. Its paper is one continuous living plant that can be harvested endlessly. Curved cities are sustained with its roll.
Third Stone Door: The door of Third Stall. It is forever closed. Its size and gravity allow folk to live, build, and work across its faces and edges.
Third Toil: The toilet of Third Stall. Its bowl is full with a sea. As with the other toils it is highly populated by bergfolk.
Stain Plain: The largest floodplain in Porce, situated at the base of Third Toil. One of the Tributaroads dissolves into it.
Riding Rail: The safety railing for the handicapped-accessible Third Stall. It has its own gravity, allowing civilizations to be built all the way around it.
Threewall Wild: An impregnable forest spanning three walls but densest on the back wall. Its center is marked by the two tallest trees in existence: Bropain and Bropeak. Folk do not live there, as it is populated by giant aggressive monsters.
Reflecting Path: The barren remains of the bathroom mirror that stretched above all three sinks. It was broken in the Age of Tragedy, but if you have a piece of it you can still enter its fuzzy soft reflected world via mirrors. That world is populated by mute reflections hungry for a life of their own.
Metal Block: The paper towel dispenser. The towels within are one continuous plant with a will of its own. People only harvest at its hanging edge, as it kills most who enter the body of the block. It projects far enough from the wall for its own gravity, so civilizations exist atop it.
Bropato: The great growing wooden sheet at the front of Metal Block, only travelled by harvesters.
Mist: A patch of perpetual mist atop Metal Block. It leaks from a hole in the wall and has many harmful properties. Despite them there is at least one town that lives deep within the cloud.
Third Sink: One of three sinks in Porce. It has its own sea called the Snyre. Its faucets are always running, one producing a boiling waterfall and the other a freezing one. It projects far enough from the wall to have its own gravity, letting civilizations play out across its sides.
Snyre Sea: The sea of Third Sink, made a pleasant temperature by the clash of its running faucets’ temperature extremes.
Aych Fauce: A faucet of Third Sink that perpetually produces near-boiling water that holds its temperature for great durations.
Sea Fauce: A faucet of Third Sink that pereptually produces near-freezing water that holds its temperature for great durations.
Broken Fix: A cracked and empty mounted soap dispenser. Though it projects far enough from the wall to have its downward gravity, its uneven ground and rocky soil have left it largely unpopulated.
Second Sink: The second sink of Porce. Its faucets do not run and it has a closed drain. It projects far enough from the wall to have its own gravity, allowing civilizations to flourish across its lips.
Toohewt Sea: The uncomfortably warm sea of Second Sink.
Soapstone Mines: A wall-mounted soap dispenser. The residue of the soap within has crystallized into a valuable sterilizing mineral. It has its own gravity and supports many mining communities.
First Sink: The empties sink of Porce, though it still has several great lakes. It projects far enough from the wall to have its own gravity, allowing civilization on its lips and in its basin.
Plud Pond: One of the great lakes of First Sink.
Undry Pond: One of the great lakes of First Sink.
Umployee Pond: One of the great lakes of First Sink.
Tumswash Pond: One of the great lakes of First Sink.
Laffinger Pond: One of the great lakes of First Sink.
Tunnel of Sweat: A wall mounted electric hand dryer. Though it is large enough to have its own gravity its metallic soil and extreme temperature have limited large civilizations to its corners. Its internal forces reactivated in the Age of tragedy, causing it to issue flaming tornados that blasted the lands below into a glassy desert. It still produces these fire whirls regularly.
Glass Desert: The desert beneath the Tunnel of Sweat plagued by fire whirls. Its dunes really are fused into solid orange and red glass. Sustained living is impossible there.
Bottomless Rot: The trash bin of Porce. Some civilizations exist around its lid, but inside is a dark deep bog of rotting wadded paper towels and other waste. It is a sort of sea bearing many unique monsters of its own.
Gummire: A purple swamp of fetid sticky sweetness, the result of a giants’ piece of gum pressed under a sink and dripping down over time. Its essence can be extracted and made into expensive and dangerous sweets.
Cities, Settlements, and Towns
Bath beads are magical gemstones. Much speculation surrounds their origin, but many consider them to be condensed magical residue left over from an age of gods. They come in all manner of shapes, sizes, and colors, and display an incredible variety of powers and abilities. They are given common names, but also scientific ones that state their powers and provide a number that marks how many previously discovered beads had that ability.
Other Important Objects
Cardinal Tiles: Crafted in ancient times from the corpses of akers, the tiles are gravitational totems that keep the world of Porce fixed in a single position within the void of the Dark Empty. They are man-sized decorative stone tiles that hover and spin on their own. They are spread out in strategic heavily guarded locations. Moving them runs the risk of unfixing the world and causing it to collide with other debris in the Dark Empty. Compasses are guided by their pull.
Pieces of the Reflecting Path: Shards of the bathroom world’s mirror, which was broken in the previous age. These pieces allow anyone in possession of one to travel into reflective surfaces and move in the semi-solid reflected world called the Reflecting Path. The surfaces can be moved from within the path, thus creating instant pathways between great distances.
The path is populated by reflections of living things, which try to claim the blood of their counterparts should they travel there. One should never walk the path with an open cut.
Animals and Monsters
Aker – Akers are mighty, intelligent, long-lived creatures born from shattered tiles. Their bodies are made of large patches of land and you must have their permission in order to cross. Each end is marked by a giant horned head and a powerful pair of forelimbs. They show a strong aversion to the cardinal tiles, as they were made from the corpses of akers.
Armor-headed whorl: The armor-headed whorl is a whale-like beast with armor plating across its skull.
Axehaund – Haunds are similar to dogs, but with bulkier shoulders and forelimbs as well as a variety of strangely-shaped horns on their heads. An axehaund is vaguely dachshund shaped and its snout extends into a horn like an axe blade. They particularly enjoy the taste of wood and often eat the handles off folk-made tools.
Bartlebird – A medium-sized seabird with blue and black plumage. It is a stronger swimmer than flyer, so it is relatively easy to catch and roast.
Bibcraw – A bottom-dwelling crustacean with pinkish coloration. It is a common food source.
Bleeder fly – A bloodsucking insect. It is unknown if it is more in line with a mosquito or a horse fly.
Blue Knucklewart – A variety of shellfish.
Boxback – An animal like a tortoise, but its shell has a distinct cube shape.
Bubbleskin – A fish of Third Sink.
Burheel – All that is known of this is that the creature is deadly and dwells in the Threewall Wild along with many of Porce’s fiercest monsters.
Cartivark – A marrow-eating sea creature.
Clawly – Tiny burrowing and swimming crustaceans that come in many varieties.
Crigand – A large aggressive bird with an inflatable throat sack. It us known to swallow all sorts of strange things and has a particular affinity for magical objects.
Curtenbeast – A large animal that has the ability to turn around inside its own skin. Its hide is used to make leatherflesh, which gravefolk often use to restore a more life-like appearance to their bodies and faces.
Flippity flopper – Third Sink fish.
Ekapad – Tall single-footed goat-like animals that generate and travel within red bolts of lightning. They are used to deliver mail and small packages swiftly across all of Porce.
Fayeblon – A legendary variety of questing beast born from the residual fading power of the gods. Supposedly they went mad without opponents.
Fountain Oystie – A volcano-shaped shellfish.
Fuzzy tidywing – A bug like a moth with thick round or square wings. They are known to nest or rest in dusty places like closets and bookshelves.
Glintshell – A shellfish strong enough to snap off fingers.
Haund – Like a dog but with a more muscular set of forelimbs and shoulders. They also have a variety of blade-like horns on their head. These come in many breeds both wild and domestic.
Heezutter – A land-dwelling blubbery animal with very short limbs. They live in family units and the males compete by throwing their bulk at each other.
Hunder – A swift bug with legs too numerous to count.
Jellied seahemoth –
Laggeren – Lean horse-sized animals with rabbit-like ears and dainty feet. They can be ridden and have the ability to run through treetops.
Lizdrop – an anole-like amphibian
Lumasol – Large birds that glow in the night. When Porcians speak of stars they actually mean these creatures flying about high in the darkness.
Narwhorl – A whale-like animal with a long spiraling horn-tooth.
Ogtot – A small frog-like creature.
Phantom cutter – A fish with a blade-shaped tail.
Plow-headed white bug – A horrifically large territorial bug of the Threewall Wild.
Pot-bellied Bwag – A pig-like animal with small twisted horns.
Rabard – A rabbit-like creature, but born from gourds as birds hatch from eggs.
Ratmun – A thieving rodent like a chipmunk
Roodnock – A large man-eating predator associated with the cold waters and cliffs of Third Sink. It is furry but serpentine with short limbs. It’s famous for banging its giant flat teeth on walls and listening for anything scurrying around on the other side.
Rummin – A rat-like rodent that commonly stows away on ships.
Saber shell – Another variety of shellfish. Porce is a wet place, okay? They talk about clams a lot.
Scrawn – A hermit-crab like creature that will choose any suitable object as its home.
Seasaw fish – A fish used to make water-resistant leather.
Serpont – A semi-aquatic snake-like creature that comes in many sizes and varieties. Most have transparent skin bubbles over their eyes.
Shellenfowl – Waterfowl that are born from shellfish rather than eggs.
Shoelace fish – Small edible eels.
Silkenbug – bugs that hang from ceilings in silken cocoons, used in the textile industry.
Skingle – A small lizard-like creature known for hiding in roofing materials.
Slippery soap biscuit – An eyeless creature of the sea bed known to slip out of hands. Its skin is dried and smoked in bubble pipes.
Slorth – Another mysterious but lethal dweller of the Threewall Wild.
Snyre snapper – A large Third Sink fish.
Spotted mud loog – Fleshy wiggly mud dwellers.
Tannifeen – Furry.
Tilehoof – Beasts of burden with square and tile-like hooves and horns.
Toilbrush paddler – A fish.
Topillar – The larvae of tidywings which cocoons itself in topa.
Tunnel tickler –
Twistenbeast – Strange livestock only raised in poor or toxic areas. Their limbs twist naturally from birth, giving them an awkward gait and nauseating appearance.
Upper upper rin fish – A fish that defies gravity by swimming up the world’s greatest waterfall.
Wegger – Rather like a spider, but with ten limbs instead of eight.
Whetzoo – One of the larger beasts of burden.
Wintyfleish – A legendary ice monster with freezing breath.
Wolptinger – A small predatory animal with a keen intellect and a selfish nature. You’re probably thinking cat after hearing that.
Wuldagon – Another monster of the Threewall Wild the people of Porce hesitate to even describe. Seriously, don’t go into the Threewall Wild.
Bropato – A versatile, strong, flexible wood that only grows from Metal Block. Its name is short for brown paper towel. It can be used to make all sorts of things, with some layers of it even being edible. All of it grows from one massive plant with a will of its own that is rooted at the center of Metal Block.
Bloodcup – A red cup-shaped flower.
Cheribarb – A celery-like plant that is red in color and full of thick sweet juice.
Dribblesnip – A yellow root vegetable.
Flowhead weed –
Frostmoss – Moss that can grow in extremely cold environments.
Gnarlic – A bulb vegetable with extremely potent and creamy extract.
Groutberry – A common wild-growing food source that can be found in many poor soils.
Leminy – A stalked plant with a sour taste that is brimming with nutrients.
Loosh – A warty purple fruit.
Marble grass – A tall grain with glassy marble-like seeds. It is used to make the slightly-iridescent shinebread.
Mildewus tree – A tree with sticky, clumped, hanging foliage.
Puffball flower –
Plowr-tuber – A root vegetable with a stone-like taste that is nevertheless a staple of many diets.
Topa – A versatile and extremely flexible canvas-like material. Its name is short for toilet paper. It grows on the holders of each stall.
Squish-squashes – An edible squash with a core of extremely goopy flesh.
Wee-weed – An aquatic vegetable made up of stalks covered in small gas floats. It is often pickled.
Naming in Porce is relatively simple, even across the different races. Each tends to use syllables or words associated with their language, but all have first names and surnames. Some individuals may be stripped of surnames or go without them if they are convicted or banished for serious offenses. Lack of a surname may also indicate the extreme irrelevancy of someone’s line.
All surnames end in a consonant and then an r, a convention borrowed from a misspelling in some of the ancient bathroom graffiti. Here are a few example surnames: Ordr, Powdr, Shockr, Shuckr, etc…
Weaponry and Machines of War
Warfare looks much like it did in Earth’s prehistory. It is dominated by control of supply routes and acted out with simple forged weapons and bows. Though cannons exist on ships they’ve been quite slow in developing firearms.
Many machines of war like siege towers are folded from bropato, as it is light and easy to transport. Sometimes these machines resemble origami sculptures.
Bonepicking weapons are forged specifically for the combat art and often have strange features like blade bulges or extraordinarily lengthy handles.
Food and Drink
Porce has many animal and vegetable food sources, just like Earth. Some animals have strange methods of birth that result in them being eaten twice over. Examples include the rabbit-like rabard born from an edible gourd and the shellenfowl bird born from an edible shellfish.
Porce has a much higher number of fruits and vegetables that are grown partially or fully submerged in water, as there is no significant body of saltwater in their world.
Bropato – Some portions of this massive plant can be eaten. The taste is poor and it causes stiffness in large doses, but it is full of nutrients.
Gum candy – Candies made from ‘gummine’, a sweet rubbery substance extracted from the gummire. They are extraordinarily expensive and addictive. One ingested they never leave the body, and eating too many can cause a lethal blockage.
Rin cake – A common style of small spongy cake, disc-shaped with a depression at the top and often filled with powdered sugar or thick fruity syrups. Their shape is inspired by a gigantic urinal cake left in one of the urinals.
Scrub-throat – A stiff palate-cleansing drink that makes the voice clear and booming after consumption.
Toil water – This refers both to pure water from one of the two filled toilets or drinks made with such water as their base. It can be clear, blue, or green. Each source provides different flavor undertones.
The vast majority of Porce is united under a single currency. Its value is stabilized by bath bead magic that cannot be tampered with. Most transactions are done with two varieties of coins: blue squares and copper rectangles. Larger coins are produced mostly on special occasions and look quite different from each other even if they have the same denomination. All these coins, given their square or rectangular shape, are referred to as tiles.
Units of Measurement
(These are all approximate comparisons)
Drip – one second
Drop – one hour
Rinse – ten days
Wash – one hundred days
Rest – one thousand days
Bubble – one inch
Foam – ten inches
Lather – one mile or kilometer
Flake – one ounce
Chip – one pound
Bar – one hundred pounds
Case – one thousand pounds
Porce clothing comes in a wide variety of styles across the races and cultures. Much of it made from hide or fur is extremely water resistant. Many hides and furs from Porce come in blue or green coloration, which is reflected in the clothing.
Music in Porce is just as varied as that of Earth, though there is less horn-blowing and string plucking. They prefer to used bowed instruments like violins or cellos. Their percussion often has a watery element to it, with dripping water making sounds or metal bowl-shaped drums filled with liquid. The singing of a wet finger around a wineglass rim is built into many instruments as well.
Miscellaneous Practices, Cultures, and Sciences
Bonepicking: A combat art of the gravefolk that allows gravitational force to be manipulated within bones. It can be used to alter momentum and force. Bonepickers can reduce the impact of a fall, increase the power of a strike, or perform nonsensical acrobatic maneuvers that defy common sense.
Folduction: The process of folding topa or bropato into vehicles, machine pieces, or engines of war. It is rather like origami on a much larger industrial scale.
Leatherflesh: The practice among gravefolk of clothing their undead skeletal bodies in lifelike supple leather. It can be used to restore the general appearance of the face, root artificial hair, or simply make them soft enough for handshakes or embraces. There are countless styles and level of quality.
Stelloculism: The science and philosophy associated with staring out into the Black Gap and recording the positions and movements of any distant objects or phenomena.
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